I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness…and frustration…and disappointment. The disappointment I felt was born of the fear that I had so sorely disappointed others and was less inspired by any disappointments that might have come my way…though I felt pain from those, too. These feelings weighed upon me and covered me like a heavy, unforgiving tarp. Sometimes, I felt safe to hide beneath it. Other times, it smothered me until I was almost unable to breathe and I began to flail helplessly beneath its monstrous weight…my energy wasted on a battle I could never win. I didn’t know what game I was playing. I didn’t know the rules…or who I was playing against. My heart was heavy. My heart was sore. I couldn’t explain it to anyone and so the pain and the thoughts got locked in my own head and swam around until they met up with one another and formed new thoughts…less sensical every time…and eventually much more severe.