Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Day 98 on Lexapro.

Day 76 on Lamictal.

posted much, much later…

Today my head is bothering me. Maybe it is because I am tired. Maybe it is because I am stressed.

Or maybe it is a combination of some things in addition to other things…minus this thing plus a whole lot of that thing.

I am so confused. My head is spinning. I am scared and lonely and feel weighed down.

I have gained 15 pounds.

“You are too hard on yourself,” E. Liz tells me.

I know. I know. People have been telling me that for years. Sometimes I recognize it and sometimes I don’t.

This week, Em and I have been off of our routine. Our sweet little dinners together have turned into grab-what-you-can-and-don’t-complain-about-it meals. The house is getting messy again. And Em has started climbing into bed with me.

Because I’ve been too tired and harried for he bedtime routine.

Ugh. It seems like it will never get easier.

It seems when one thing improves, everything else falls apart behind it.

I am only one person.

Dear God, I am only one person.

Please help me to not be so afraid. Please help me to have a better attitude and more stamina. Please help me focus on the good and shut out the not-as-good.

And please give me the time to stop and appreciate the moments that won’t last forever.

Help me remember what’s important.

And, please God, help me keep moving in a forward direction.

For the sake of we.